Saturday, May 12, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Obvious Qutations!!!!!!!
1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?
Me: don't you know buddy!! I' come here to sell out tickets..
... 2. In bus : A fat lady steps on my feet : arey!! did it hurted????
Me: Nope aunty it was quite fun!!!! can u do it once again please :/ :O
3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry dude! was sleeping?
Me: Nope buddy! i was just praticing my funeral???
4. when they see me with shorter hair : bro! got new haircut??
Me: Don't know dude!! woke up this morning saw they just went in!!!
5. When some 1 call me on my land-line n asks where r u?
Me: buddy i'm at market, bought my landline hung around my neck with me.....??
Me: don't you know buddy!! I' come here to sell out tickets..
... 2. In bus : A fat lady steps on my feet : arey!! did it hurted????
Me: Nope aunty it was quite fun!!!! can u do it once again please :/ :O
3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry dude! was sleeping?
Me: Nope buddy! i was just praticing my funeral???
4. when they see me with shorter hair : bro! got new haircut??
Me: Don't know dude!! woke up this morning saw they just went in!!!
5. When some 1 call me on my land-line n asks where r u?
Me: buddy i'm at market, bought my landline hung around my neck with me.....??
Monday, April 23, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Software Engineers
There is this good ol' barber in some city in US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. When he is about to pay the barber, the latter replies: 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.' The florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his doorstep.
This event is repeated till an Indian software engineer goes for a haircut. When he pays him, the barber tells him, 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.' The next morning, when the barber opens his shop, he finds a dozen Indians waiting for a free haircut.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his doorstep.
This event is repeated till an Indian software engineer goes for a haircut. When he pays him, the barber tells him, 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.' The next morning, when the barber opens his shop, he finds a dozen Indians waiting for a free haircut.
A Seat In A Bus
Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus ..
Bus Conductor : The Older One Should Sit Here :P
Both Looked At Each Other And The Seat Remained Empty :P
Bus Conductor : The Older One Should Sit Here :P
Both Looked At Each Other And The Seat Remained Empty :P
New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
Sleep Truth.!
FUNNY TRUTH :
.
In bed, its 6 am morning, if u
close ur eyes
for 5 mins, its 8:30 am
. but during booring lecture its,
9:30 am, if u close ur
eyes for 5 mins, its stil 9:31
am :-|. :(
.
In bed, its 6 am morning, if u
close ur eyes
for 5 mins, its 8:30 am
. but during booring lecture its,
9:30 am, if u close ur
eyes for 5 mins, its stil 9:31
am :-|. :(
Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Tricked Him
One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends.
She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees.
The boy says to the girl: "Go on climb that tree."
The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls pants.
After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened.
Her mum says: "oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."
The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met THAT boy again.
He told her to climb again and she did.
when she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: "My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."
The girl replied and said: "No actually I tricked him, this time i did not wear any pants!"
16 years later
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.
Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.
16 years later
16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?"
"What?"
I pissed out a bullet.
So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."
So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.
Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?"
The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet."
"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"
Lazy Generation
Scientists Have Proved That
2904583181 People On The Earth
Are Lazy,,,
Because,,
..
..
They Did Not Even Read This
Number.. :P ;-) :-X
Thumbs Up If You Haven't Read
The Number :P
Teacher Fell Asleep In Class
Little Boy:
"Teacher Are You Sleeping In Class?"
Teacher:
"No I Am Not Sleeping In Class."
Little Boy:
"What Were You Doing Sir ?"
Teacher:
"I Was Talking To God."
The Next Day The Naughty Boy Fell Asleep In Class And The Same Teacher Walks Up To Him...
Teacher:
"Young Man, You Are Sleeping In My Class."
Little Boy:
"No Not Me Sir, I Am Not Sleeping."
Angry Teacher:
"What Were You Doing.??"
Little Boy:
"I Was Talking To God."
Angry Teacher:
"What Did He Say??"
Little Boy:
"God Said He Never Spoke To You Yesterday..." :P
Why Hairs Are White
KID :- Why Some Of Ur Hair Are
White Dad ?
DAD : - Every Time A Son Make His Dad
Unhappy ,
One Of His Father's Hair Turns White .....
... ... KID :- Now Understand Why
Grandpa's Hairs Are All White...XP :P
Is It Michael Jackson?????
little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?
mummy: why god is both girl and boy
little boy: mummy is god black or white?
mummy: why god is both black and white
little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?
mummy: why god is both gay and strait
little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?
Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Vampires in a Bar
It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.
At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."
"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.
"Thanks," he says, and leaves.
An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.
An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."
"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"
"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."
"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"
Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.
"Tea time."
How to brek up withyour GIRLFRIEND
The Best Place To
Breakup With Your
Girl Friend Is In McDonald
There Are Sharp
Knives & Forks 0r
Heavy Plates
&
You Can Always Hide Behind
A Fat Kid ... =P =D
A chick with the long legs!!!!
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."
A woody Car.....!
What Wood Happn If U Had A Wooden Car,
.
With Wooden Seats
.
Wooden Tyres..
.
And A Wooden Engine?
.
.
.
.
It Wooden't Start..! :D
Your EX is like kidnapper????
Your Ex-GirlFriend Asking If U Can Still Be Friends After A Break-Up..
.
.
.
It Is Like..
.
.
.
A Kidnapper Telling U To Keep In Touch.!!
